An Interlude From an Artist

Things have been quiet on the front. The dust has settled and the heat of summer has cooled off into a subdued autumn. We take a finish out break from Mango to include now the other subjects that will aid our adventure of finding identity. 

Being an artist myself I have struggled to find my inner voice in my art. I merely was gathering talent and not passion. I was singing without a song. And I was writing without a story. Here I present an essay from my journal in which I present the thought that one can not own a title of a true artist until one has something to say through one's work. 

We all see this world in a unique way that is all our own. It differs from person to person. We all see the same objects but personal and life experiences act as a highlighter through our surroundings. What a person connects with directly correlates with how they view the world and what is important to them. If we were to place 10 people in a place, we are diverse enough that, each person would see and marvel at different aspects of the space. 

I have found in every instance I see things uniquely in a way that resonates with me. A tree in a field lit a certain way, a child in a grocery cart pulling off her socks with a naughty grin, a man wrapped up in his own world laughing at nothing I can hear, these small things litter my sight with inspiration, humor, and curiosity. This observation of life has been seen as a hobby, or a personal activity, and then I went to art school. And that hobby, I found, had an important part of my success as an artist. As an art student you gain the talents to capture what it is you highlight in your life. I kept these two things far apart from the other. Talent and school was on one side, and my fascination with life musings stayed the polar opposite.

In school you are given subject matter to help you practice your blossoming talent. You are challenged by instructors to share an interesting composition that speaks to you. You nod your head and glaze over the words about inspiration and personal blah, blah, blah, “make me want to look at this”. If you’re good enough you can get away with pure talent and fiend inspiration. You paint technique and let passion sleep while you carry out assignments. At this point you have a skill set. You are not alive as an artist. The mundane sets in and the fire of discovery is quieted into slumber and boredom, it slumbers as you make art. Then, suddenly, you have that day. That day, when you wake up and realize why you have taken on the name and role of "artist". 

I believe that every artist has this day. You wake up with an impassive attitude to go “make art” and something inside you changes. You put together why it is we do what we do. Mine came on a day when I met a small tree on a lavender hill in Ghost Ranch New Mexico. His name was Estivan and it was through painting this tree I learned that I had become a true artist. It was a day ridden with homesickness and I was longing for my family to be where I was and see what I was seeing. Estivan had been calling to me and had been begging me to paint him for a few days at this point. He sits along on a hill and is surrounded by character, mystery, and intrigue. As I set up my easel that morning nothing could have predicted the fire that would be lit as a result of this day. I took out my paints and decided to paint for my family back home. The hills were so soft and feminine. They were a lavender hue that can only be seen in person. I decided that day to paint how I saw them and MY response to what I was seeing. “Make me a postcard” That is what art is. Telling someone who isn’t there, what it’s like. Estivan is a smart little tree. “Include the colors you feel and help the people feel the emotion you have had while standing here in the sun and wind.”

I finally understood why I was there. I had something to share with the loved ones back home. AND I had the means to say it. I was informed on that day that I had a point of view that no one else had. No one else could explain how I felt at that moment. The task was mine and mine alone to document that tree and those hills. I developed a need standing there in the heat. I needed to make art for me. Before this moment in time art was a hobby, a challenge to execute a task, an assignment to fulfill. I threw away my value of other’s opinions and decided to walk down a road where I would gather memories for myself and my loved ones. And I would say things I needed to say, regardless if I had ears of an audience to hear my thoughts. I threw away my cares of other's opinions that moment and vaulted them into the wind as confetti at a celebration of freedom. 

I realized that day, on that hill in NM, with my friend, what real art is. Art is telling the world your point of view, how we feel and what we see, what inspires us. No one else can dictate these revelations for us. It’s the artist’s job, yours and yours alone to communicate to the world your view point. I believe that the ones that “make it” in the art world are the ones who develop an intense need to chase with veracity the image in their mind. It becomes an unsatisfied hunger to document what you see and how you feel. The successful artist embarks on a personal journey. You capture your feelings in the hope that maybe it will help others that are in the same place that you are. You document your experiences in the hope to connect to this world that we live in and with the people we love. This is what the true artist is. 

I hope that through this capturing of thought that you are able to glean some helpful insight that might help you with your "art" whatever that might be. 

Soon we shall catch up with our heroine and continue on the journey with our most beloved Fruit... Mango. 

Until next time...

The Birthing of Mango

It was a Friday afternoon and I was getting ready. At 7:30 p.m. on the 15th of June there was to be an event. That event would kick start a new project. A finding out of ones self. Lauren Kratz would die and Mango would be born. Mango would be the new, and Lauren, along with the baggage carried by her, would be put to an eternal rest.

Glitter and junk left overs on the floor of Edge

We arrived with anticipation of what was to come. Camera bag in tow we pulled up to the Edge Gallery in Denver. It was a hot day and the night was like a fresh roll, soft, warm, and comforting. There were people milling about waiting for the next performance to start. It was 7:27. There was wreckage left on the floor from the prior performances. Sand, glitter, and saw dust cluttered the floor space and clung to my flip flops. We swam around in the crowd and mingled with people I knew. "What did we miss?" "Well, this girl just finished pretending to cut something out of her uterus" "ah... kinda glad I missed that one" ...


The music begins to play and we are all called to attention. There is a space prepped for Mango. She comes out, pink wig on, teal dress tight and short, with a pink bowling shirt tied around her slim frame. She struts over to her station through the crowd and has her cupcakes (the ones we had prepared the night before), they are missing their candles. She takes a few seconds and one by one travels from a pile of candles on the floor to lighting them and placing them with care into one cupcake. As she continues in this cadence a man comes out. 


Dressed in a hat, suit jacket, and shorts with boat shoes, he carries a paint supply box over his shoulder. He places it in her space and sets up shop. He pulls out a mango fruit pack and sips off the juice as she continues to light candles one by one. She offers him one, he blows out the candle, takes it, and bites in. He passes her the fruit cup. They take communion. 


Things progress to painting objects, they paint a computer screen that was on the ground, then take turns painting the other in long strokes. From there you witness wrapping in cords. There are wires and cords about. A VHS is broken and wrapped around her slender legs. As this all happens a paparazzi man keeps snapping shots of this event. So much media is going on and you feel the suffocation of this world and the entertainment we surround ourselves with. She stands to let us soak up the image.

"Performance art is every emotion you feel from looking at a painting, acted out in your face"
 ~ Lauren Kratz

The paparazzi and suit jacket man end up wrapped in wires together quietly conversing while we make out what is happening to Lauren.


She steps onto a platform in the crowd and a man emerges from the sea with a dress. This dress is unique and destined to make a statement. This man proceeds to take off the wires, to free her from the bonds we watch her put on. After she is free of the cord and tape he helps her out of her pink jacket and into her new dress and prep her for her new name and new life. 


She ceremoniously steps off the platform and approach documents that have been taped to the wall. They are legal and binding. She finds a pen from the mess on the floor. She slowly signs her birth name as the music continues to pound. She draws a line through new last name, middle name, and slowly spells out M-a-n-g-o in the first name space. 


She has done it. 


To wrap up the performance she finds a paint brush with black paint and draws her name Lauren on the second document... she pauses and crosses it out. She turns and faces the crowd. Without a word she holds her head high and slowly leaves the room. She has left her old life on the wall in the gallery. She has now become  a statement like the dress she now wears. We are silent. The men wrapped in wire take time to make a frame around her documents. They also leave and the performance is over. We clap.


The journey has begun. In months ahead of us we will follow Mango in her new life to discover what it is like to change ones identity. She is fearless now. She is a walking performance. Who is she now? She is Mango.

MANGO

left over birthday cake

Excited we stand for the exploration
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Mango is here and the fear is gone

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Celebrate and learn with us. It will be an adventure.

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Who is Lauren Kratz?

We had an interview with Lauren Kratz on the 14th of June a day before Mango's birth. We wanted to know more about Lauren, how she lives, and what makes her tick. 

It was late on a Thursday night as I pulled up to her apartment buildings for her interview. A brick world lit by an eerie orange light. Laughter and screams of summer time float up from the pool in the center court yard. Towels hang from the balconies above me like spectators in an arena. I am looking for number 111 with my camera bag in tow. I see the items in the window as I read the text "The Elephant is in the window". Without that hint I would have known this was the apartment of an artist. There were wood carvings, sculptures of fluid ladies, a clear head filled with what seemed to be paper, and among these was an Elephant. I knock. "Shut up Titus!" the Chihuahua is barking like the attack dog he sees himself to be. I enter and am greeted by Titus and Falcor. Titus the caramel larger dog, sure enough is a growling demonling trying to protect his domain. Falcor is adorable and has a tiny pink tongue that can't get enough of my toes through my worn flip flops.

Lauren leads the attack dog to his room and I take in the apartment. To my left there is a space claimed by her performance art supplies, glitter, wigs, and a plastic organizer with make up and other things fill the space. There is a mirror and a divider to the kitchen. In front of me there is a table with cluttered paper from an artistic mind. I continue to scan. There is a computer and an empty futon with a body pillow sitting as an audience to a muted cupcake show. Sure enough that is why I am there. To bake. There are pieces of artwork on the wall and a bike that has been unused sitting in the corner. 

"this piece came to me in a dream, it was about human sacrifice through oranges. I awoke and had to paint it."

We walked around the apartment and caught up, talked about her art work, and then got down to cup cakes. We chatted and baked while I perched myself on the counter like an old friend. With Soap and Skin playing in the background we started to digest what was about to happen tomorrow and shared the excitement of what is to come and how it would have a lasting effect on her life. She would forsake Lauren, her birth name, and move into a new chapter of forced freedom with the hope of becoming new in her life and name. 

A painting from a performance
 "We rolled around in meat juice and
glitter. It was amazing"


                                                  

We talked about what was going to happen the following day, "I don't really know what to expect, there will be wire" We continued to talk about how she was planning on turning her life into Mango "I just have too many things that hold me back, and I want to get rid of that fear that holds me. And if for one moment, my life decision can touch someone, this will have all been made worth it." She talked about previous performances and how they had made impact on others. 


From there we went to the laundry room down the hall and we started talking about her childhood. She talked of an easy life till about the age of 12. Then there was unforeseen hardship and lifestyles that had to be adjusted. This began to show itself as the seed of the fear that Lauren was so ready to get rid of. 


The interview went well, and the cupcakes turned out. I left with a broader understanding of who Lauren is and what makes her the way she is. I left with anticipation of the following day where we would witness the starting of a journey. And I left with a lot to think about. Who was I? What IS in a name? Is it possible to forget the past and move on to something new all through changing what you are called by family and friends? 


The questions will continue to seek answers. Thank you for joining us. 

Who is Lauren Kratz?

What's In a Name?

This is a written interview that we conducted with Lauren to get a deeper insight on her thoughts about this project. This shall be followed by a video here shortly. All of these answers are her own words. 




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What is your name? How old are you? Can you tell us a bit about Lauren and who you are now?


My name is Lauren Ashley Kratz and I am 29 years old. You could say I am a pretty typical person. I work a decent job and have spent the past several years going to school to earn a degree in Fine Art. I have been pretty good at following the path that was laid out for me growing up in suburbia. I live a comfortable life, in comparison to some people. I'm grateful for all the support of my family and the comforts of the first world. However, in the day to day I have always felt a strange pull to discover something different. 



How do you feel as Lauren?


As Lauren I can say I am a very happy, positive person. I love the people around me, and love to make people happy. However I am plagued with unshakable fear. I believe it is a fear of being exposed. It has been with me since I was very young. As an adolescent It would manifest itself in strange phobias. I never liked my picture taken, or enjoyed being the center of attention. When I discovered performance art, I learned to start to let the fear go. I found myself in situations that pushed my personal and artistic boundaries. These performances have been misunderstood, or not understood at all. I want to share bits and pieces of this special medium with everyone I meet in everyday life. I feel the need to keep pushing this fear out of my life. 





What do you do in your day to day and how will that change with your name?


I would like to change how I approach living. I want to eliminate extraneous, unnecessary consuming and focus outward. I want to give more and consume less. I want every day to be special and I want to create a genuine connection with the people. I want to make my life beautiful, and share the joy that comes along with that, with others. Creating this joy in my own life may mean doing things that are outside of what is considered normative behavior. These things will come together as small structured projects that I will plan weekly. 



What made you decide to do this with your life?


Im tired of fear, and tired of introspection. I feel like society has an oppressive nature that causes people to question their nature. I have always felt as if I am operating under the constricting weight of a machine, whenever I try and function within a structure. I am not the only one who feels this weight. I look around at my friends, family and coworkers and I see the disconnect between their actual needs and the manufactured happiness that comes from pats on the head by a puppeteer. This does not discount the value of working within a system to reach a goal. I believe that systems are essential parts of society. I believe that introducing some chaos and fluidity into a functional system will allow people to live more foiling lives. Embracing joy,creativity, independence and expression can help us move forward as individuals working with in a system to change it. This may all sound naive and idealistic, however this is why I am undergoing this transformation. I am ridding myself of fear and pushing boundaries of every day living. I want to see how it changes me and if it changes the people around me. This project is where social practice meets performance art, and surely has been done before. However I am excited to discover things about myself and people around me through unusual interactions. 

What are you trying to say by doing this?


I want to remind people that life in a system, it is more flexible than we believe. Life is what we make it, and we all can create the world we want to live in, even without an abundance of resources. I want to stop the ifs and when and embrace the present as a natural phenomena. 



What message do you want to come across? 


At the very least I would like to make someone smile. At most, teach someone a new way of viewing the world or even remind them of something they already knew. Life is fun and we are lucky to have it. Work hard to be happy with who you are instead of working hard to be someone else. 



When Lauren is gone, will you carry her past with you?... Or is she going to pass away and are you going to be a clean slate? 


The question of weather it is possible for to create a clean slate is one often explored by philosophers. Identity theory explores change of a person over time and asks if they are in fact the same vessel at the end of life journey as they were in the beginning. I cannot rid myself of my past but will acknowledge it, and move forward in this new journey. The mango itself is a personal metaphor for change, the way the colors shift though the life of the fruit is similar to what it means to change as a person. My performance is titled antithesis because I want to let my colors change naturally instead of constantly striving for a control that doesn't exist. I want to let mango develop naturally, and react intuitively. 



As Mango what are you going to take on? Who will you be? What rules does Mango live by? 


Mango lives by only one rule, no fear. I am going to put myself in situations that I never thought I would or could. Mango will be nothing predetermined by the expectations of others or myself. Mango embraces fluidity of identity and action. 



How do you feel about these changes? Are you nervous? Excited?... Will it be a lot of work?

Lauren is afraid of being out of control, and being exposed. Mango on the other hand will embrace the changes and is a tool for me to embrace my natural inclinations. Freudian theory talks about the Ego, Id and Super Ego. Im thinking of this project as a personal reconstruction of these three psychological models. So far only a few people who know me truly understand the project and what it entails. I think explaining it to my parents is where the real work will happen. :)






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She is charming and fearless. She is doing something that we would all like to do, eradicate fear from our daily life. Does it take changing ones name to do so? Are there things that we can make conscious about that will help with this fear? And is it fear for everyone? Or do other people deal with some other form of Lauren's fear? 


Ponder and examine yourself and ask the question... 


what bounds me in my daily life? 


If you know the answer... it's time to do something about it. 


Find your favorite fruit and change your name ;) Just kidding. It's not for everyone. 


Until tomorrow. Ponder these things.

Finding Mango

Finding Mango is a project formed for the purpose of finding ones true self in today's society. What parts of us are formed and molded by the culture today and how can we break free if we are tired of going with the flow? If you have an urge to wear something that's not 'in', say something that might be crossing boundaries, or do something that someone might not know how to respond to... what stops you from doing those things? These questions are the questions we are trying to answer through this blog. 

In this study we will be following the inspiration for this project, Lauren Kratz. Lauren is a performing artist from Denver, and on June 15th at 7:30 p.m. she will forsake her birth name of Lauren Kratz and legally change her name to Mango as part as a performance at The Edge in Denver. We will follow her transformation and delve into  her rebirth process with a series of photos and video blogging. Excited to push the boundaries and test the infrastructure of modern society we will talk with Lauren and document this momentous decision to change her life into a performance that IS Mango. 

Who told us we couldn't? And are the ones that make the rules really correct in deciding how we should behave? How much of our culture is based on an old fashion system in a new world that is wanting to break free and act in new ways society has never allowed us? 

These are the frontiers we are exploring, these are the boundaries we will be pushing, and this is the journey, of 

Finding Mango. 

Join us on our adventure.